IN LOVE with Melanie Marten

Mel and I met in May 2020 in a phone call - yes, an actual phone call! We were both Factory Berlin members, and Mel had written about PR and her work as a publicist in their newsletter. I knew I needed help; writing a book is only one part of a non-fiction author's work. You need to make the book public - before it is written. Mel seemed to be the woman who had to offer what I needed. During our phone call, we clicked - and started working together.

With Mel, I not only got a publicist but: a woman who believes in me and my work, a first reader who is honest and encouraging, a woman who is hands-on, head-on, heart-on. A woman who acts, who does what she says - and more. Who tries out news things. Who thinks big and long-term. Who is full of surprises. Who follows her heart, who is not afraid to start anew. Without her, I would be less visible in multiple ways.

Mel, one of the rare Berlin-born people, left Berlin in winter 2019 and moved to Athens. Because she felt better there. She moved her PR business, TheCoup, with her. Mel had founded TheCoup when she was 25 and has grown it since.

We met for the first time in person in July in Berlin. We became friends over our weekly calls. In August, Mel rented a house in Crete and invited me to come over.

She is one of the most generous persons I know. She not only shares houses but visions⏤and her ever-expanding energy. She puts conscious work into taking care of her energy. And it is beautiful to see how this work shows⏤also in love.

Mel's interview is a special one. She answered my questions for the first time in October 2020, when the IN LOVE series started. Shortly after, she met her love - and answered the very same question again in February 2021.

TheCoup website

PR ON THE GO website

PR ON THE GO Instagram

1 _ _ _ _ *

Imagine that from this moment on, the verb "to love" does not exist anymore. How do you express yourself when you feel love? In words, actions? 

October 2020: "I want to see you!" In a busy world, my love language is about making (quality) time for each other. This includes expressing the wish to spend (a lot of) time with someone, and when doing so forgetting about schedules, but simply living in the moment to enjoy it to the fullest. I know I spend my time with the right person when I have an energy boost after seeing each other.

February 2021: There is a "we" in all plans for my personal future - This can be the near future, like the weekend where we think of fun things to do to fill it - even if it just involves agreeing to a lazy Sunday with pizza. Expressing that the other person is at the top of my list to spend free time with is my love communication.

2 LOVE

You have lived one month without the word love. Then, it suddenly re-appears, but in the dictionaries it is without definition. You are the person to write it.

October 2020: Love: Can be found anywhere and in all sorts of human interaction. It is a feeling that draws the attention to the object of desire, and comes with all sorts of expressions humanity has to offer. As the driver for human happiness, giving and receiving love is of utmost importance.

February 2021: Love: The strongest of all human feelings that provides warmth, safety, healing and happiness.

3 Out of LOVE

In which situation (or inner state of being) did you feel most disconnected or excluded from love? Can you remember and share the thoughts that you were thinking in this state of being?

October 2020: On rare occasions in your life you would meet another person where you feel drawn to each other like magnets, fully understood, and you would feel completely blessed. The world would stand still when this someone is around you, and nothing matters more than the moment spent with that person. However, it happens that one person pulls away from the strong emotions. This would turn your world upside down for a while, since there is no explanation, no rules in love, and therefore you cannot make sense of it. When this happened to me, I would feel most excluded from love.

February 2021: There were situations in the past where I felt excluded from love - this is not only limited to romantic encounters, but also happened in family situations or with friends. Those situations allow to value the right, loving partner when he /she comes along even more.

4 Returning into LOVE 

When you have been out of Love, how do you help yourself to re-enter?

October 2020: A love hurt needs time to recover fully. For me, it would eventually lead me to being a happy single again. This is the time I enjoy my life with my friends and my passion projects. It is also the time when I would slowly open up to new love again. It just happens, like a flow that I just follow. I have found that when I am truly open to meeting someone new, it would happen.

February 2021: I found out that even when we tell ourselves we are open to new love we need to carefully observe if our actions are truly those of an open heart. Protective mechanisms can be sticking to our ways of doing things and routines that worked out for us so far.

>> Ask me a question about LOVE: 

October 2020: From your point of view and expertise, how can people bring more love into their life?

Mirjam: I find it often abstract to use the word love - especially when you feel you are separate or walled out from it. My personal short cut is: to smile at someone. Or to give something to someone. Or making a connection for someone, helping someone. It helps to expand, to feel less walled out - and after the act of smiling or giving of helping something changes, the chest around the heart gets softer, I am more open, ultimately more connected to love.

February 2021: Your thoughts - What are examples that could block someone from finding their life partner?
I think it is a combination of the following aspects:
- not getting clear about what you want in a partner
- turning the question around and ask: can I be this kind of partner, too? If not: working on it.
- expecting another person to solve your problems and cure you hurts
- not believing that you deserve the kind of partner you desire (worthiness)
- “advertising” and subconsciously speaking about yourself that way
- sticking to unhealthy patterns
- not being able to open up and showing that you like the person when (s)he is in front of you
- wanting it too badly
It looks different for everyone. And it might be a combination of all of these aspects or some of them. The good thing is: you can work on them - and while working on them, you turn into a more self-loving and self-valuing person altogether.

5 Almost Lovers: 

Let me start by saying what an almost lover is for me. An almost lover is a person, with whom you feel SO yourself, SO creative, SO in love that you feel - this is my life partner. However, an almost lover does not want to be with you. Did you have an experience like this? And if so - did your almost love story lead to important inner and outer transformations in your life that you are now grateful for? Which are your favorite two ones?

October 2020: Of course I had almost lover encounters. They would leave me in a loop of thoughts where it felt like my memory recorded each and every dialogue there was in between us, and I would try to figure out where I misinterpreted signs - for months they were in my head. One heavy memory of an almost lover was when I was 23. It lead me to an introverted phase, from being out there all the time socialising to then sitting with myself, reading, thinking. Today I know that this encounter actually lead me to my profession which I started at the time - because I was taking time for myself, so much time. I still pursue this profession, and absolutely love it. The last almost lover lead me to pick up Kendo - a Martial Arts so intense it would take all my focus, and leave no more space for the thought loops. Now I developed this big love with Kendo, which I believe I will pursue for the rest of my life. Hey, not so bad these almost lovers encounters, right? 

February 2021: At this time in my life I can happily say with confidence that all that matters from these encounters is what it brings to the table for your personal development. I now understood that these encounters were not meant to last. Life is easy. Only the person that stays with you can be right for you. When you surrender to the blues that comes with those encounters, and make sure to eventually get out of it and over with, you can only look back thinking that this was just not the perfect match. Yours was or is still to come.

6 On Leaving

What happens to (your) LOVE when a partner/ crush/ lover - someone you have been in love with - leaves you?

October 2020: Simple: This love starts to hurt. It hurts you emotionally and physically. This pain is the reason why people are afraid to enter the state of romantic love. I would always seek out for my other sources of love, by spending time with family and friends, to get healing. I would celebrate the pain by watching romantic love movies. Then I would treat myself. This can be with a trip, or an extensive shopping tour or I would even get a tattoo. I would seek new inspiration from my friends of things that would interest me, where I could get my mind into, for example sports or books.

February 2021: When a partnership does not work out it needs time for healing, and efforts. I would take anything into consideration that would lead me to healing, even seeing a professional consultant. Life is valuable, and you would want to make sure you get back on your own track.

7 LOVE Quotes

There are many love-quotes out there. Which is your favorite one on true romantic love - and why?

October 2020: "Romance is an illusion and shouldn't be hunted for." - From my experience I find this is true. When you find a caring partner you can absolutely rely on in daily life, romantic situations can be created. However, if there is only romantic gestures here and there but no reliable basis, romance can leave you in the illusion of a fulfilling partnership.

February 2021: "You are my future" - quote from my boyfriend to me.

>> Ask a question that you wished someone would have asked you (can be any topic, not only on love)

How do you know you can trust someone you just met? I find the answer is in your body reactions. Your mind may go wild when you got a crush on someone. But your body is the source of wisdom when it comes to finding out if he or she is a trustworthy person for you. The feeling someone should give you is a warm and calm feeling.